How to choose your Maids

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Standing up in someone’s wedding to many people means spending lots of money on dresses, shoes, hair, makeup, etc. We really seemed to lose touch in why bridesmaids and Maid of Honors are part of the wedding. I always get brides who say they can’t choose between people to have by their side. Well it’s simple, if you haven’t talked to someone in years, you probably do not want to have them in your wedding, even if you were in preschool together. People change over the years especially after their mid twenties so someone who shared all your secrets and interests when you were younger, may not have the same views today. Here’s a list of ideas to think about when choosing your bridesmaids.

1. Choose someone that puts you first- This by far the most important characteristic in a bridesmaid. You need someone that isn’t negative and doesn’t complain about how much they are spending. You want someone that is just as loving and caring to you as the day you met them. Someone who even if they hate the bridesmaid dress, colors of your wedding, or the location of you wedding will say how much they love and adore everything. Negativity is the most important thing to keep out of your sight. By choosing someone that is negative will only eventually cause problems for you but can also affect your relationship to your fiancé. I have seen too many brides stress out for months before their wedding until the day of by choosing Miss Negative Nancy to stand up.

2. Someone who supports your relationship- I see this all the time, Girls are always in competition with each other no matter how close they are. If you have a friend who always talks poorly of your fiancé or doesn’t see how you two will end up with each other then you must not have her in your wedding. In fact, you shouldn’t even have them at your wedding or in your life anymore. It is important to keep those who care not only about you but also your future spouse.

3. Carefree friend- Another very important quality in a bridesmaid is someone who doesn’t care what you are serving for food. Someone who loves house wine and house liquor. You don’t want someone telling you that you need to have what “they like” in order for them to be part of your wedding. Always remember, it is YOUR wedding and it’s between you and your fiancé on choosing the options for your day. You don’t need to listen to bickering snobs about what they think makes your wedding perfect.

4. Someone who will help- Lots of details go into wedding planning and of course this is why I have my job. I love wedding planning and if you need a planner you can definitely count on me. However, if you can’t afford a planner or think you do not need one, you definitely need bridesmaids to be by your side throughout everything. There’s many events that lead up to a wedding which the bride and groom should have minimal planning in. This is what they bridesmaids are for. Think of your closest and most creative friends and how they can help you with planning all of these events. There’s the engagement party, bridal shower, bachelor/bachelorette parties, and rehearsal dinner. Some of these things of course your parents will help plan but you want bridesmaids to bring the new, modern “Pinterest” ideas to your events.

5. Choose someone who can afford it- We all know weddings are pricey but the same goes for someone standing up in a wedding. From dresses to shoes, to hair and makeup, to travel expenses, make sure you choose someone that can afford it. Your friends that you feel like you are leaving out will not be hurt if they can’t afford it. In some cases, it is better to not ask and make them feel embarrassed to decline because of costs.

Choosing maids can be difficult but honestly my main thing is this, think of those who you speak to daily whether they are next door or thousands of miles away. This idea is similar to hiring someone for a job. They need to be by your side and help with whatever you need. Everyone thinks they will hurt someone and from time to time it happens. Honestly most people who are chosen clearly are honored to take part in the wedding but there are others that do feel like they lucked out by saving money and only being a guest. It can be expensive to take part in a wedding so don’t feel like leaving someone out is a bad thing.
Here’s a little bit in choosing a Maid/Matron of Honor. The main reasons why you have a maid of honor is for support, keeping everyone together, and being there when you need her.

By choosing a Maid of Honor that you are close with now (not 20 years ago), they understand your style, vision, expectations, and YOU! it’s similar to what I said above, this person just has a little more responsibility. I’m pretty sure after all those years your vision of marrying someone from N’SYNC and having your wedding at your gorgeous mansion or on a secret island isn’t really how your wedding is playing out. You need someone that knows you well today and can be there for you when you need advice. She also needs to support you with a positive attitude so if they are a super opinionated friend, tell them you love them but they can be a bridesmaid or guest. You get enough unwelcome opinions from in laws and family that you don’t need your number one go to support system to give you more unnecessary advice. You want someone who when you choose a bridesmaid dress that may not be flattering or her style will tell you how much she loves it and tell your other bridesmaids they love it too. When you get a call from you in laws telling you they just invited another 20 people neither you or your fiancé has met but you are the ones paying for your “intimate” wedding, she’s there for you and would even go out of her way to let your family know it’s not about them that it is your wedding day. This is the support system you need. A perfect Maid of honor.

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For more wedding advice or to hire a wedding planner, please contact me at (248) 836-8605 or through email at desi@desirableevent.com. Happy Bridal Party choosing!

Maid of honor.

For more wedding advice or to hire a wedding planner, please contact me at (248) 836-8605 or through email at desi@desirableevent.com. Happy Bridal Party choosing!

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